1
00:00:00,710 --> 00:00:02,290
Max! Caroline!

2
00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:04,090
Look, here comes Han
carrying an iPad Mini.

3
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:06,304
Or is it an iPad carrying a mini Han?

4
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:10,636
Han has a mini iPad?

5
00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:12,763
We can't even afford a maxi pad.

6
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:18,644
I am so upset.
I'm stuck in a lie.

7
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:21,311
Well, it's better than the time
you got stuck in that backpack.

8
00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:24,731
Seriously, you guys. I'm in trouble.

9
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:28,569
I just opened this email
and my mother is coming to visit.

10
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:30,197
You have a mother?

11
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:34,777
I thought you came to life after
a kid in a toy store made a wish.

12
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,461
(THEME MUSIC)

13
00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:40,884
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

14
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,130
Han, your mother's coming
all the way from Korea to see you.

15
00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:53,301
-Isn't that great news?
-Is this the face of great news?

16
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:58,350
See, my mother thinks
I have a girlfriend.

17
00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,643
My father still thinks
I wasn't in the car

18
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,271
when my friend hit that grifter
in the Hamptons.

19
00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:08,189
She thinks I have a girlfriend
because I might have told her I did.

20
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,819
Did you or didn't you?

21
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,947
I... I might have.

22
00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:17,084
And I might have sent
my mother pictures of someone

23
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,373
and told her
she was the woman I'm dating.

24
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:24,594
Han, you might
have catfished your mom?

25
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:26,876
I might have.

26
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,377
Catfishing. Right.

27
00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,218
That's when you pick up
a woman in a bar

28
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:34,512
and when you get her in the light,
you realize she has whiskers.

29
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:39,095
PS. Doesn't bother me.

30
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,353
No, catfishing is when you pretend

31
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,400
to be someone you're not
on the Internet.

32
00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:46,193
You know,
like everyone on the Internet.

33
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,859
All my mother wants
is for me to be happily married,

34
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:52,397
like my father and her.

35
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:55,200
All my mother wants
is a cure for Hep C.

36
00:01:58,618 --> 00:01:59,868
Look, here she is.

37
00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:04,168
"Korean beauty June Kim,
aka Sapphire"?

38
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:06,212
Han, you chose a prostitute?

39
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:11,045
She's not a prostitute.
She has a website.

40
00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:15,547
Yeah, and I know a guy
with business cards

41
00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:18,758
whose "job" it is
to relax your rectum.

42
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:23,725
It says she's an exotic dancer at
this gentlemen's club in Manhattan.

43
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:27,064
So just go there and hire the hooker
to pretend to be your girlfriend.

44
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,730
And there's a sentence
I never thought I'd say!

45
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,404
I tried, but the bouncer told me
to wait in the alley for my mother

46
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,160
like all the other children.

47
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,536
So I was hoping you guys
could go for me.

48
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,407
Han, we are not doing that.

49
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,789
Strip clubs, lies.
That's not my scene.

50
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:49,299
That's not your "scene"?

51
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,166
You have a scene?

52
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:55,218
What is your scene, Caroline?
I haven't seen your scene.

53
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:57,594
In fact, you haven't seen
your scene in two years.

54
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,100
Trust me, this is your scene now!

55
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:05,347
Oh, I understand.
Just one question.

56
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:09,399
Did I or did I not let you have
the cupcake window rent-free?

57
00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,526
Wow, Han.
That's a cheap shot.

58
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,573
Low. Bitchy. I respect that.

59
00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:19,373
We'll go to the strip club,
but if it's nude, nude, nude,

60
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,123
I am leaving, leaving, leaving.

61
00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:25,119
That's the first time
Han's ever been able

62
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,118
to hold something
over someone's head.

63
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,802
Sapphire
will be right with you, ladies.

64
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:36,473
Thank you, my good man.
Give me a 20 from Han.

65
00:03:36,634 --> 00:03:38,844
You gotta tip at these places
or they'll murder you.

66
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:43,394
Thanks, doll. Yous twos
can have a seat on that couch.

67
00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:46,885
Oh, no.
No, thank you.

68
00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:50,561
I'm not catching....

69
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,317
Not catching
"sypha-gonna-titus" today.

70
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:05,870
Well, if a whore's bath
is appropriate anywhere, it's here.

71
00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:09,002
Max, please be professional
when she comes in.

72
00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:10,745
No sexual comments.

73
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,838
Considering she's used
to walking in on dudes

74
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,762
who have their junk in their hand
like a sad present...

75
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:20,222
...I am sure I can manage
to not offend her.

76
00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,216
I'm just saying
that despite where we are,

77
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,677
let's remember
she's a businesswoman like us.

78
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,479
The chairman of the board is here.

79
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,319
Hi, ladies.
You ready for a good time?

80
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,653
Been waitin' my whole life.

81
00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:38,029
Hello. It's a pleasure to meet you.

82
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:41,374
I'm Caroline Channing
and this is my colleague, Max Black.

83
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:46,696
Yo, how's this gonna work?
I don't do two at a time.

84
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,540
So who wants to watch,
who wants to ride?

85
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:53,042
Oh, right.
Neither of us will be riding, per se.

86
00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:56,209
Hold your roll, girl. We're spending
a lot of Han's money here.

87
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,630
If I want a ride, I'm getting a ride.

88
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:02,051
Um, is it June or Sapphire?

89
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,388
You can call me Paul if you pay me.

90
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,559
June, we're not here for a dance
or any of the other things you do

91
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,846
that I don't judge you for
because I'm very open-minded.

92
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,731
I've been to Amsterdam.

93
00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:18,359
I'm on camera so I gotta dance for
someone or my bosses will fire me.

94
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:19,776
And then it's back to waiting tables.

95
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:22,074
Told myself
I'd never sink that low again.

96
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,414
Yeah, we say that every day
when we get dressed for work.

97
00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:29,697
Okay, sit. Let's do this.

98
00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,752
It's fine.
I think I got all the stains.

99
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:35,999
(GASPS)

100
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:52,022
It's official!
We've paid Han back.

101
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:55,769
Um, could you turn
the other lights on?

102
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,439
She's allergic to the truth.

103
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,148
(DANCE MUSIC STARTS)

104
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,034
So, June, here's the thing.
We have this boss--

105
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:04,907
Yeah, girl, work that!

106
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,753
I'm being encouraging,
businesswoman to businesswoman.

107
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:14,120
Anyway, his name is Han Lee and,
see, his mother is coming to visit.

108
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,789
Oh, nice move there.

109
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,665
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

110
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,463
I wasn't encouraging.
Just commenting.

111
00:06:21,632 --> 00:06:23,182
Oh, peek-a-boo!
There's your head.

112
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,848
Anyway, he needs a girlfriend,

113
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,682
so he sent his mother pictures of you
and said you were his girlfriend.

114
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,018
(NERVOUS LAUGH)
I think it's her turn!

115
00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:38,364
So, the gist is he's willing to pay
you to pretend to be his girlfriend.

116
00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:41,324
And I'm willing to pay you to show me
how to do that with my hips.

117
00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:44,858
Ooh, you would make a great stripper.

118
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,739
I know.
I just have a fear of success thing.

119
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,294
-Can we turn the music off?
-(MUSIC STOPS)

120
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:55,872
'Cause I'm getting disoriented and,
in all honesty, a little turned on.

121
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,880
And... I cannot be a latent bisexual

122
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,253
with everything else
already on my plate.

123
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,422
How much?

124
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:06,179
Whatever your rate is for sex,
but you won't even have to have sex.

125
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:07,513
At the most, just kissing.

126
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,887
-Kissing is 500.
-I love you.

127
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,925
Okay. I can give him
the Girlfriend Experience package.

128
00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,349
He has no girlfriend,
no experience and no package,

129
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:16,689
so that sounds perfect.

130
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:25,033
Here, Earl, when my mother comes in,
pretend you are reading this.

131
00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:27,784
Ooh, The Bible.

132
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,704
You know, I remember
when this first came out.

133
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,287
Didn't think it would be a hit.

134
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,630
Earl, we're talking about
our Lord, Jesus Christ!

135
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,716
So no sign of
mama-say-mama-sah-ma-mama-Han?

136
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,807
I don't know.
I don't know what she looks like.

137
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,850
She's here.

138
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:01,731
-Oh, Ma!
-Han!

139
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:09,236
I can't tell if she's a smaller him
or if he's a smaller her.

140
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:14,485
(SPEAKING KOREAN)

141
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,876
You must be Han's mother.
I'm Earl.

142
00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:29,716
I was just reading The Bible.

143
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,387
'Cause when am I not?

144
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,017
Mother, this is Caroline.

145
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:38,595
(SPEAKING KOREAN)

146
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:41,982
Hey-oh!

147
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:46,939
Caroline,
I didn't know you spoke Korean.

148
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,450
I took it as an elective
after I mastered Japanese.

149
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:51,283
I had a hunch Asia
was gonna take over the world.

150
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:53,617
And congratulations!
Right on track!

151
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:58,464
Caroline, your Korean is very good.

152
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,668
And this is Max.

153
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:02,671
Nice to meet you, Mrs. Lee.

154
00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:10,586
What does that face mean in Korean?

155
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,469
It means zip up your top.

156
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,306
Here, Mother, sit.
You must be hungry.

157
00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:17,602
I'll get you a menu.

158
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:24,019
That's weird. These usually
bring joy to the people.

159
00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:28,742
Han Lee, where is your girlfriend?

160
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,492
You'll meet her at dinner tomorrow.

161
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:31,823
She wanted to be here,

162
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:34,369
but with church
and all her work in brain surgery,

163
00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:35,873
she's very busy.

164
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:39,365
And I thought it was unrealistic

165
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:42,248
when you had a girlfriend
that didn't need an air pump.

166
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,000
Han, what are you thinking?
How are you ever gonna pull this off?

167
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,546
With the help of my two best friends?

168
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,723
Oh, good.
Who are they?

169
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:57,224
Please, have June come to
your apartment and we can brief her.

170
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,469
Well, if it's with you,
it's gonna be brief.

171
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,683
Remember, you owe me.

172
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:05,361
No, Han. At that club,
I saw a pregnant wall, so....

173
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,697
I think we're even.

174
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,122
(KEYS JANGLING)

175
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:19,243
If I'm here to meet June,
why am I blindfolded?

176
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:22,041
So you can never find your way
back to our apartment again.

177
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,959
But I have your address
on your work forms.

178
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,040
No, you don't.

179
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,207
Max, I think he can take it off now.

180
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,970
It's been an hour
and we spun him around three times.

181
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:39,060
Well, someone's been
to a flea market.

182
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,774
And it smells like pot in here.

183
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,813
So I smoked up a little before work.
I got to.

184
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,019
My boss is a real butt munch.

185
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,480
(BUZZER)

186
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,232
Okay, our call girl is here.

187
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,610
Another sentence
I never thought I'd say.

188
00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:57,373
I look like I've had a call girl
before, right?

189
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,870
Han, you don't look like
you've called a girl before.

190
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:05,793
I need to calm down.
Do you have any chamomile tea?

191
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:09,920
No, because I'm not a divorced woman
on a balcony in the fall.

192
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,169
But I do have something
that will help you relax.

193
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,090
Ooh, you mean....

194
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,676
Yes, I'm gonna lull you to sleep
with a tiny, invisible whistle.

195
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:28,686
So, June, are you working your way
through graduate school or something?

196
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:31,145
No, I like getting paid for sex.

197
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,316
I mean, what's a handy
every now and then

198
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:36,525
if it pays the mortgage on my
Parkview Terrace apartment, right?

199
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,447
Life is so funny sometimes.

200
00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:43,616
Just when you think you're better
than someone, you're not.

201
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,384
Here we are, all relaxed.

202
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:56,047
And that was wild,
like getting your hamster stoned.

203
00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:02,139
Okay, June, this has all the details
that Han sent his mom about you.

204
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,929
You told your mom I'm a
Harvard-educated Christian doctor

205
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,440
and also
a renowned classical pianist?

206
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:11,652
Yes, we met at church
and are crazy in love,

207
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,315
but we're waiting till marriage.

208
00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:16,192
Oh, well, the Virgin Experience
is a thousand.

209
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:20,238
-Will you take 800?
-Max!

210
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,987
What? I was unconscious when I lost
mine. I wanna see what it's like.

211
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:26,157
(KNOCK AT DOOR)

212
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,123
Oh, I hope that's pizza
'cause I could go to third base

213
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,381
on some crazy bread right now.

214
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,166
No! It's Sophie.

215
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,376
I asked her to bring down
some crosses for June to wear

216
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,838
when she meets your mom.

217
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:41,008
What? Sophie knows I hired
a prostitute to be my girlfriend?

218
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,177
No, I didn't tell her anything.

219
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,595
But this will be a good test
to see if you two pass as a couple.

220
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,604
Hey! What's Han
doing with that hooker?

221
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,689
Sophie, this is June.

222
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:53,324
We hired her to pretend to be Han's
girlfriend while his mom's in town.

223
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,320
(LAUGHS)

224
00:12:57,402 --> 00:13:01,622
(POLISH ACCENT) Oh, wait, so his mom
is supposed to believe

225
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,370
that their parts match up somehow

226
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:07,123
and that's a fun thing for her?

227
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,407
(LAUGHS)

228
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,714
Oh, LOL!

229
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:16,875
Oh, that's one of those things that
you think about later and you laugh.

230
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:19,224
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

231
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:23,471
Look, look, Caroline, look.
I brought you your crosses.

232
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:28,933
Sophie, do you have anything smaller?
It's a date, not an exorcism.

233
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:32,020
Oh, well, then you gotta say that.

234
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,897
All right, I'll be right back.

235
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,937
(LAUGHS)

236
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:40,614
You see? I'm thinking about it later
and I'm LOL'ing!

237
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,410
Well, I gotta go. I got this.

238
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:48,285
But that's a lot of material.
You don't wanna stay and cram it?

239
00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:50,252
How much for that?

240
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,253
No, it's cool.
I can fake it.

241
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:53,924
You're sure you can fake it?

242
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:55,924
Can I fake it?

243
00:13:56,086 --> 00:14:00,006
(SEXY VOICE)
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God!

244
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,763
(FAKING ORGASM) Oh, God! Oh, God!

245
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:05,677
She's sure.

246
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,768
I wonder why Han
and his girlfriend are late?

247
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:22,032
Maybe something came up
and she had to take care of it.

248
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,105
That's actually probably exactly
what happened.

249
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:29,913
I hope my hair looks all right.
I'm wearing it the other way.

250
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:35,040
-It looks pretty.
-Yes. Very pretty.

251
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:44,171
I am just so excited that my Han
finally found the perfect girlfriend.

252
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:48,051
Oh, you know, his June is
a brilliant brain surgeon.

253
00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:51,473
Well, she certainly knows
a lot about head.

254
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,896
And she also goes to church
every Sunday.

255
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:59,652
Yep, that girl
is always on her knees.

256
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:07,195
Oh, and she is a classical pianist.

257
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,735
She is making this too easy.

258
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:15,157
Oh, there they are.
Han! Han!

259
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:17,211
And girlfriend of Han.

260
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,245
Mother, may I present June?

261
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,721
June, this is my mother, Su-Min Lee.

262
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,511
Please, call me Su-Min Lee.

263
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:30,642
Which means, "so mean to me."

264
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:36,478
(STIFF SPEECH)
It's a pleasure to meet you.

265
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:39,774
I've heard
such a great deal about you.

266
00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:43,318
Oh, and Han has told me
how you two met.

267
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,395
What a beautiful story.

268
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:50,490
Oh, yes.
That was beautiful when we met at....

269
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,038
-Upstairs on the roof....
-Church!

270
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,792
We met in church.
Upstairs on the roof of church.

271
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:59,375
We wanted to be closer to God.
We are both so holy!

272
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:04,423
Is it hot in here
or is it just the situation?

273
00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:09,466
Oh, look, the appetizers
Mrs. Lee is paying for are here.

274
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:15,020
Before we start on the appetizers,
June, please pray.

275
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,930
-I don't know any prayers.
-No, no.

276
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:21,061
I'll do it, Mother. But first,
please, can I get a Moscow Mule?

277
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:25,861
Go, June. Please, pray.

278
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,605
Oh, God.

279
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:34,737
(SEXY VOICE)
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God!

280
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,961
ALL: (LOUDLY) Oh, God! Oh, God!

281
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,581
(SHOUTS) And amen!

282
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:48,467
Oh, okay.
I-I don't know that one.

283
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,259
Hey, I am starving.

284
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:58,675
That's quality.

285
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:04,652
Such a good appetite.
You ate the whole thing.

286
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,315
Didn't even chew.

287
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,779
(APPLAUSE)

288
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:18,254
June, the piano is free.
Oh, you must play something for us.

289
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:21,083
-No, she can't play.
-Yes, but you told me that she was--

290
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:24,129
I mean, now.
I mean, she can't play the piano now.

291
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:25,714
Look, look, Mrs. Lee.

292
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,378
The Chrysler Building.
It has the word "Christ" in it.

293
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,550
Hey, Han, you dropped your knife.

294
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:32,968
You better calm down.
You're gonna blow it.

295
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,885
You can't afford to blow it.
You can't even afford to kiss it!

296
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:39,018
I'm getting tense all over again.
Help a brother out.

297
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,648
What, you think I just carry
that stuff around with me in my purse

298
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:47,984
in an Altoids container with
a Lisa Frank unicorn sticker on it?

299
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,533
Max, what is going to happen?

300
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,658
I've got a more pressing question.

301
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:59,195
How does someone with a mouth
so small get a joint so wet?

302
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:02,709
When June cannot play the piano,
Mother will discover my lie.

303
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:05,674
It will be a big, big disappointment.

304
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,625
I am the star of my family.

305
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:10,456
So, if your family were the Jacksons,
you'd be Michael?

306
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,632
'Cause I see you more as a Tito.

307
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,050
Actually, Petit-o.

308
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,391
Han's mom is right behind me.
She saw you two come in here.

309
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,846
I tried to stop her, but she has
strength and it is all core.

310
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,478
Han, hide!

311
00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:26,194
I'm sweating through the price tag
and I have to return this.

312
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,725
If I'm going down,
I'm going down high.

313
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:32,323
If it's 500 for kissing,
you can't afford to go down.

314
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:36,275
What is going on
between you and my Han?

315
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:40,079
You two have been whispering
all night. Poor June.

316
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:43,874
Poor June? Poor June
lives in a doorman building.

317
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:46,539
Mrs. Lee, I think you might have
gotten the wrong impression of Max.

318
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:50,589
No, she is after my son
for his big successful diner.

319
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,343
Oh, you have another son?

320
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:56,759
I am on to you.

321
00:18:56,927 --> 00:19:03,427
You are just a... a money-grubbing,
big-booby, dirty, nasty girl!

322
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,110
Well, I wish I could say
you were wrong.

323
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,784
Mother, stop!
You cannot talk to Max like that.

324
00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:14,072
-She is a good girl and a friend.
-Wha..?

325
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:18,318
Okay, yes, you caught me.
I smoke weed.

326
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:21,370
Yes, I'm living the fast life
in New York City just as you feared.

327
00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:22,906
Wha..?

328
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:27,169
But I only toke up
when I am under a lot of pressure.

329
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:31,880
See, Mother,
I don't have a girlfriend.

330
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,046
June is a prostitute
I paid to pretend,

331
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:37,434
so you would think
we were happy as you and father.

332
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,719
Give me that.

333
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,846
Wha..?

334
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:47,268
I too am
under a lot of pressure, son.

335
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:53,113
The truth is your father and I
are no longer together.

336
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:57,396
He had an affair with another woman
who has big fake ones like her!

337
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,328
Max's breasts are real, Mrs. Lee.

338
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:02,540
Mm. God bless.

339
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,501
Mine are too,
in case you were wondering.

340
00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:08,293
I wasn't.

341
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,840
Son, are you disappointed in me?

342
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,723
Mother, are you disappointed in me?

343
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:21,643
No, Han. You are the star
of our family and my heart.

344
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:23,014
I love you.

345
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:25,811
Aw, me too.
Okay, that's enough.

346
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,807
And another problem solved by weed.

347
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:32,478
Hey, Han's mom, it's puff-puff-pass.

348
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:40,664
(PLAYING PIANO CONCERTO)

349
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:50,708
Am I super high
or is that whore playing the piano?

350
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,337
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

351
00:21:21,239 --> 00:21:23,239
(English US - SDH)

352
00:21:23,289 --> 00:21:27,839
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